Prayer Stones

If you are ever in my office you will find a small clear container holding polished, iridescent, glass stones. My wife, Kerry, began leaving me these small stones daily, in different locations. They were to be a simple way to tell me that she was praying for me and loving on me. I in turn began praying for her and our daughters each time I would discover a ‘prayer stone.’
This time of prayer has begun a wonderful journey between me and God. As I began to pray for Kerry, Sam and Baylee, the Lord then began to lay other individuals on my heart to pray for. I sought God on a very intimate level. I realized that this prayer time was more than supplication and worship; it was an opportunity for developing a repentant and regenerative heart toward Him.
I need to be right with God before I pray. I have to ask for His forgiveness and ask that He would create in me a new heart, a new attitude. May I say that this is a very humbling experience for me.
Not that I am all there, come on, you all know me and know that I am a work in progress; however, I am progressing toward Him.
During this journey, I meditated on the 51st Psalm. What a beautiful and direct way God has us look at our sinful heart. “The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise.” verse 17 David is a broken man, seeking forgiveness and taking ownership of his sinful actions. It again revealed to me that that is the first step we should all take before coming before the throne of God with our supplications and requests. We must worship Him with a pure heart and clean hands.
Kerry’s ‘prayer stones’ became so much more than precious reminders of our love for each other. They became a way for me to see the power, strength, and humility that prayer and communication with my God can be!
Let us shed that proud exterior and be truly transparent to Him. By asking for forgiveness from our sins and repenting, we will then be that much closer in our relationship with the King.

Great Marriages...What do they look like?

If you were to sum up what it took to have a great marriage or what did it look like to have a marriage that strives to be great, what would you say? What would be some of the driving principles?

There are many marriages out there. We encounter all different types. There are those who seem to be Newlyweds; they are staring longingly into each other's eyes. They are holding hands and walking almost in stride with one another. Then you may encounter those who seem to have been married for a long time; they are somewhat synced with one another, yet they seem to lack that "passion" they expressed when they were first married. Then you may encounter those that are just getting by; they are more like "room mates" then they are a married couple. They get along, they co-exist, they share all the bills and revenue; however, once again, the "romance" is not dwindling, it is non existent. 

Wouldn't it be such a change in all our marriages if we put forth the effort each and everyday to treat our marriages as the ordained gift from God...that they are!!

So, here are some avenues that we feel reflect a Great Marriage: 

1. Great Marriages always have contentment but never have complacency. 

Contentment means choosing to always be thankful for what you already have whether it’s a little or a lot. Great couples have an “attitude of gratitude” for all they’ve already got, but they refuse to get on autopilot and stop dreaming new dreams together. They’re content, but never complacent. They’re thankful, but always moving forward together to reach new heights.

2. Great Marriages don’t have any secrets.

Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, and strong couples have learned that secrets in marriage can be as dangerous as lies. When a husband and wife choose to communicate about everything (the good, the bad and the ugly), it brings a level of trust and intimacy that can’t be achieved any other way.

3. Great Marriages don’t have an “Exit Strategy.”

Commitment leads to trust which leads to intimacy which leads to great marriages. The word “divorce” needs to be completely removed from your mind and your vocabulary if you want to create the stability necessary for a great marriage.

4. Great Marriages prioritize Fun.

Laughter is the soundtrack of a great marriage. They plan and prioritize activities that will create fun and happy memories. Those activities don’t need to be expensive or elaborate, but they need to be deliberate. An easy way to get started is to ask each other some date night questions. 

5. Great Marriages keep an optimistic outlook.

Happy couples face the same struggles as unhappy couples, but they choose to face those struggles with a hopeful perspective and an optimistic outlook. Always choose to see the best in each other and in the world around you.

6. Great Marriages don’t live on leftovers.

We’re all sometimes guilty of giving our spouse our “leftovers” after we've given our best energies to our job and other demands. Vibrant couples always strive to give each other the very best of themselves.

7. Great Marriages have a foundation of faith.

Couples who pray together are much more likely to stay together. I believe that God is the only “perfect” part of a marriage, so the more of Him you have in your relationship, the more perfect it will become! Keep your marriage centered on Christ!

The Lies That Lead to Divorce

In the past years that Kerry and I have done marriage counseling, there is usually one common thread that we have encountered; it's the lies that the individuals try to tell themselves so as to justify their dissatisfaction in their marriage. Thus building new lies to justify a divorce. The sad part is, they begin to completely believe these lies.

Currently in America, nearly 55% of all couples who make a vow to love each other “til death do us part” end up calling it quits, so some people believe that the success or failure of their marriage is just a “coin toss” left to chance and completely out of their hands. Kerry and I firmly believe that the basic steps to success in marriage are within your grasp; it’s based on your choice and action...not random chance. It begins by understanding and avoiding some of the strongest reasons why marriages fail. Or better yet, why we allow marriages to fail.

As I stated before, most divorces begin by believing a lie. Here are some of the most common lies that lead to divorce:

1. My spouse doesn’t make me happy anymore.

It may be true that you’re unhappy, but it’s a lie to think that your spouse has the power or the responsibility to make you happy. Putting the pressure on your spouse to create your happiness puts an unrealistic burden on both of you and puts more value on your unstable feelings than on your foundational commitment. You need to first and foremost seek Holiness in your relationship with Jesus Christ. Then and only then can the overflow of His love produce happiness.

2. It would be easier to start over with someone new than to try and fix our relationship.

When you’ve been through lots of difficulties and frustrations in your marriage, it may seem easier to find the Exit Door and imagine starting over with somebody new, but the truth is that you’ll be taking all the unresolved pain and selfishness you hold with you into a new relationship, so you’re going to have to deal with it either way. You’re better off fixing what you’ve got than throwing it away. Seek Godly counsel and focus on what God expects from you as a spouse. As Christians, we have the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to renew and recharge any marriage, we just must choose to submit to that power.

3. The kids will be fine.

If you have children of any age, they’ll be negatively impacted in greater ways than you can imagine. You are displaying to each of them that a commitment made first before God and second to your family, is disposable. The divorce of a child’s parents (even if those children are nearly grown or adults themselves) almost always has emotionally devastating consequences. To believe otherwise is to believe one of the most dangerous lies about divorce.

4. We’ll never be able to make it work.

I’m not saying it will be easy, but Kerry and I have seen many couples come back from terrible places of loneliness and betrayal to create amazing marriages that are centered on God. Couples who make it aren’t the ones who never have a reason to get divorced, they’re the ones who decide that their commitment to one another is always more important than their differences and flaws. Keep fighting for each other and don’t give up! Your marriage is always worth the effort. When you choose to fight for your marriage, God will bless that decision, maybe not right away, but in the generations to come.


We don't have all the answers; however, we rely on God's word and His Spirit to daily guide us in our marriage. We decided a long time ago that we would never have an EXIT DOOR and we choose to love each other every day and grow closer by His hand.


It's a choice...either believe the lies and focus on yourself or believe the One who originally ordained your marriage.


Again, it's your choice.

U Pick 'Em Date Night...

If you do not already know, we are big on "Date Nights." Both Kerry and I enjoy heading out and spending time with each other. We have had very inexpensive date nights, just heading to the book store and browsing books and titles with each other, to weekend getaways. No matter what we did, we made a choice to be together, just the two of us. You can go to the Focus on the Family website for a very long list of date night ideas to help get you started or maybe even spark a new fire as you begin to date your spouse all over again!

I want to share one idea that we put into practice the past weekend. I called it the "U Pick 'Em" date night. I took some blank note-cards, each colored differently, and choose 3 sets that matched up. On the first set of three, I wrote the name of one of Kerry's favorite restaurants individually on each card. So there was now three restaurants, each individually written on a note-card.  I then took another matching set of 3 note-cards and repeated the process, except this time it was the name of a dessert location. Finally, I took the last set and wrote down three different evening activities we could do as a couple.  I placed all note-cards in their individual envelopes and sealed them.

Now the fun begins! I told her to be ready by 5pm. This was since I could not make reservations and because the date night will be much longer than usual. So at 5, I gave her the option of picking one of the three "Dinner" cards. She picked number 2 and off we went to P.F.Changs for dinner. After dinner, I then gave her the option of picking one of the three from the "Dessert" cards. She picked number 3 and off we went to Frost in Uptown for some gelato. By this time is was already 8:40 and we decided that since this was the end of the first week of school, we called it a night and we will save the last set for another date night.

This is a fun and different way to surprise your spouse on a date night. I will replace the dinner and desert ones with new ones and we will do this again soon.

So I'm curious...do you have any great date night ideas? Can you share what worked and possibly what failed miserably?  It would be great to hear from you.

A Lesson about Love after 66 Years of Marriage.

I want to share this article I came across in my notes this past week. I do not know the author of this article, it might be from Gary Thomas or even from Matt Chandler, just don't know the facts of who wrote it...However, I do know that it is a great article and a great lesson for all of us, married or not, to glean from.

My buddy Jamey is a police officer, and yesterday he had to report to a home where a woman had just died of natural causes. As he made his way into the house, he saw a frail, elderly man weeping by the bed where his beloved wife was laying. My friend was moved by the tenderness, devotion and love that had obviously held this marriage together for so many years.

After the Coroner had come, Jamey had the opportunity to sit down with the grieving husband to hear some wonderful stories. The old man seemed to have a surge of youthful energy in his voice and he described their marriage as teenagers and how they’d run off to the West Coast with only pennies in their pockets to start their new life together. There was an undeniable sparkle in his eye as he relived their lifetime of love and adventures.

He shared some of the good times and bad times and how their commitment to each other, their faith and family had kept them grounded through all the storms of life. He shared about the friendship that grew throughout their life as they became companions, confidants, and collaborators together through every season of their epic journey. Even as their health faded, their love grew.

They shared so much laughter and love, and even through the trials, they made sure there was always joy and fun!

When it came time for Jamey to leave, the old many shared one last thought that will forever stick in my mind. He said, “Sixty-six years together…it wasn't nearly enough time! There was so much time I wasted that I wish I could go back and give to her and spend with her. It just wasn't nearly enough time together.”

The lesson for all of us is to cherish your time together. Even in the little, everyday routines of life, be fully present in the moments together. Be willing to turn off the phones and screens and distractions and make time for each other. At the end of your life looking back, your faith in Christ and your family will be all that matters to you, so please don’t wait until then to make them your top priority!

Make a deliberate decision right now to stop wasting time and start putting first things first. You never made vows to love and cherish your career or hobbies so never put those things ahead of your marriage. Give the very best of yourself to your spouse; not the leftovers after you've given your best to everyone and everything else.

It’s my hope and prayer that your best days together are ahead of you and not behind you! In the good times, celebrate together, in the hard times, pray together, and in all times, be there together! Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other!

4 Things You Should NEVER Say to Your Spouse

Have you ever said something to your spouse and then immediately thought to yourself…”Ummmm…did I just say that out loud?!”

I think we've all been there and sometimes we can say the most hurtful things to the people we love the most. We can try to excuse it by blame shifting, blaming that the actions of others led us to speak those words, however, the blame falls squarely on our shoulders.

Truth is that our words can make or break our relationships and we need to commit to using our words wisely. We must make it a practice to "capture our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ" 2 Cor 10:5b You truly can communicate your message without being biting or sarcastic and if you approach your spouse in a supportive and encouraging way, your message/you thought is going to be received so much better.

For the well-being and health of your marriage, let's look at four words/phrases that should be removed from your vocabulary immediately:

DON’T SAY: “Have you gained weight?”
If they’re gaining weight, trust me, they know it without you pointing it out. Instead of focusing the attention to the weight, try suggestion healthier options for meals or going on walks together or even joining a gym class to promote ways you can spend time together and both get healthier at the same time. Be their biggest encourager; not their biggest critic! Remember, God looks at the heart while man looks at the outward appearance.

DON’T SAY: “You Always…” or “You Never…”
Absolute statements that are negative, have no place in a marriage during an argument. When we’re trying to make a point, we often make hurtful accusations about our spouse that exaggerate the truth. “Always” and “Never” can be dangerous words. If you do say the words “You always…” or “You never…”, make sure you say something positive, like “You always know how to make me smile.” Instead of something negative like “You always make everything so complicated” or “You never do anything to help me.”

DON’T SAY: Anything mean, degrading or disrespectful.
Okay, so this may look like a "catch-all" statement by listing so many statements, but the important point is that you need to always keep a positive focus in your words if you want to maintain a positive focus in your marriage. Once you say a word, you can’t take it back, so be very careful about each word you speak to each other. Think on this...A marriage can’t have too much encouragement or too little criticism.

DON’T SAY: “Divorce”
The “D-Word” should also be removed permanently from your vocabulary. Don’t use it as a threat or as an option. there is no "escape plan" in a Christ centered marriage.  There’s no intimacy in marriage without complete commitment and there can be no true commitment if you have even the threat of an exit strategy.

Can you think of words/phrases you would add to this list?  Let us know, we would love to grow this list further.

Daddy's Hair Salon...

Here is a great quick blog from All-Pro Dad. Being a father of two girls, I can totally relate to this writing. I always attempted to do our girl's hair. Many times, the pony tail was never centered and often either to high or to low. Then I tried to advance to the Pig-Tails...epic fail. The braids were by far my greatest attempt of fatherhood for my daughters. Let's just say, the braids are still a work in progress.  However, my girls never complained and Kerry was always very encouraging.

All I have to say is...I could have used this information about 12-15 years ago! Just Sayin'...

If you haven't made this Blog one of your favorites, you should today. All-Pro Dad

Your wife goes out of town for the week. You’re looking forward to some great daddy daughter time with your baby girl. You plan activities, play games, and take her to school everyday. As you’re walking out the door, your daughter asks, “Daddy can you do my hair?” Realizing you have no idea how to do this, you have a real dilemma.

Our friends at Daddy Do’s have you covered. Watch and learn some quick and easy tips on How to Do Your Daughter’s Hair. Not only will you get points with your daughter, but you’ll also increase your man stock with your wife when she returns.

Huddle up with your kids tonight and ask: “What kind of handy things can I do better around the house?”